112: Brené Brown on Braving The Wilderness & Belonging

At the end of the day, at the end of the week, and the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I contributed more than I criticized ... If all you're doing is criticizing people who are trying to engage in conversations that heal and bring hope, shut up. I mean, really, just don't talk, because it's not useful.

Don't walk through the world looking for evidence that you don't belong, because you will always find it. Don't walk through the world looking for evidence that you're not enough, because you'll always find it. Our worth and our belonging are not negotiated with other people; we carry those inside of our hearts.

True belonging is a spiritual practice, and it's about the ability to find sacredness in both being a part of something but also the courage to stand alone ... That's the mark of true belonging—to be able to say 'Yes, I am a part of something bigger, but I also will stand alone when I need to.'

It's choosing what's right over what's fun, fast, and easy. We have a culture of fun, fast, and easy. We have a culture of people who don't do discomfort ... I've never achieved a single thing in my career or life comfortably.

Opting out of speaking out because we may get criticized, to me, is the definition of privilege.

Shame never drives positive behavior; what shame drives is rage, anger, rationalization, and blame.

The one thing I know for sure; 200,000 pieces of data. I know, in the absence of love and belonging, there's always suffering. That I know for sure.

When we use dehumanizing language, It says much more about us than the people that we're railing against. And I think, honestly, it chips away at our soul.

Dehumanization is not a social justice tool. It is emotional offloading; it is gratuitous; it is self-indulgent; it is a way to offload our anger, our fear, and our rage; but it has nothing to do with social justice.

It's Jill Bolte Taylor who said, 'Take responsibility for the energy you bring into a room,' and I feel like what people don't do online on social is they don't take responsibility for the energy they put out into the world.

Shame begets shame in the same way that violence begets violence.

We are actually hardwired neurobiologically to not hurt one another. It goes against our human nature to... be violent rape, torture, degradation, humiliation. It actually goes against who we are.