You start by helping other people—you dig the well before you get thirsty—so that when you have to ask somebody for something, it doesn't feel as bad .... It's not like this weird thing where I'm coming out of nowhere.

I don't go to North Korea anymore; it's too dangerous. Can't go to China—especially for me, it's too dangerous ... I'm definitely on their shit list at this point, talking about the communist party and the shortcomings and news from China that's not supposed to make it out of China. There's a lot of stuff like that on 'The Jordan Harbinger Show' feed that they don't like.

You could always tell how long a couple has been together in a comedy club. Basically, for every inch they are sitting apart, that's how many years they've been together.

Here's the thing about these criminals, man. Some of them are so good at what they do that you'd think, man, if you'd applied this to something else, you would have been really really good at that too.